Monday, June 21, 2010

TGC: The Taming of the Shrew

So, if you know anything about Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew, might sound familiar to you. Shakespeare was genius for his time and would have made a killing in today's world. But anyway, The Taming of the Shrew, was a comedic play written by Shakespeare where this bum who get tricked into believing he's royalty, watches a play that helps him to believe he has what it takes to "tame" his wife. It's 2010, we all know or should know by now that men cannot tame women. Women are strong minded, strong willed, and a more independent than they were during Shakespeare's time and even more than they were ten years ago. However, I have noticed that although women cannot be tamed by men, something is causing women to do away with their adolescent and irresponsible ways a lot faster than any man could ever dream of achieving.
Motherhood is serving as an excellent tamer of adolescent ways. Now this is not applying to everyone and of course some still fall along the way side as far as my observations go, but I've noticed many young women decide to put their children before anything else these days which I find admirable. I mean of course that's what your supposed to do anyway, but I find it shocking how fast nine months changes a person's way of thinking from wild and outlandish to conservative and motherly. However I've noticed a child doesn't change the way men think. For a while, men care about their children as babies, but for the most part leave most of the nurturing work to the ladies. They may re-enter at some point later on down the line but my observations have just been too inconsistent with males to make any claims. But women really do put their children first as far as finances go, time spent, and even medical treatment. As I guy, I hear a child cough I don't really think nothing of it. But I've seen women jump from whatever they're doing to rush the child to a hospital. I find it amazing how motherhood changes women's outlooks.

But what is it for males? What is it that will drive us to all new levels of maturity? Whenever do we take supreme initiative for anything responsible? I know for most of us, it's not graduation, fatherhood, holy matrimony, or even work. We still find time to have and squeeze fun out of something. I'm inclined to say it's when we're likely to hit mid-life crisis stages, but even then men do whatever it takes to feel young again. But I'm curious now, what will it take for men to be tamed? What will eventually cause us to take that huge leap into maturity?

TGC: Is too much of a good thing really that bad?

Over the last few months, I've pondered over this question and wondered why people ignore good things and put themselves in bad predicaments. Is too much of a good thing really that bad? We are taught since birth to strive for success in order to better ourselves, to achieve personal goals, and to do what is best for us. But how often do we keep up those habits? Some of us do. As an adolescent young adult, I used to refer to these people as over achievers. I felt as though they went above and beyond the call of duty for things that just didn't require that much time and effort, but now I'm slowly beginning to understand why they did so and I too am starting to try to incorporate those "over achieving" qualities in all that I do, even relationships.

Relationships have truly taken on a different identity from what our parents used to experience and it's so new that our grandparents literally have no idea what to call it. It's not the same anymore. Men and women are not the gentlemen and belles they once were. There are far more men not aware and ignorant of what it means to be men, husbands, or fathers. There are boys raising boys and cowards raising cowards, if they're doing any raising at all. A lot of people these days don't have real good relationships with their fathers. How could they with Single Family households increasing and divorce rates with skyrocketing numbers? There is no communication anymore, no working it out, no discipline. People get caught up in having fun that they forget and don't see or appreciate the good they have going on for them.

Sex is huge part in relationships nowadays and understandably so. Sex is pretty awesome, but when has it ever been the deciding factor to whether to stay with a person or leave them? Sex is a very powerful influence but always complicates people situation. Some poets and artists refer to sex as a drug. Easily so, because people become addicted to it. It stimulates the body and causes hormones to go crazy but at the end of the day it still clouds judgement especially when making decisions. It's no different from drugs and alcohol, especially when used irresponsibly. We get so caught up in this drug, that more and more children are born before people even can come up with a stable plan. People experience more and more heart ache because the have given something so precious to them away without even knowing all that it's worth. Sexually Transmitted Diseases spread faster and more efficiently because people cut off vital lines of communication before making big time decisions.

So I ask you now, is too much a good thing really that bad as far as relationships go? Despite all of the previous harsh realities mentioned earlier, there are still a ton of great men and women out there, people who have "over achieved" and avoided becoming any type of negative statistic. But I still hear about people who just can't seem to find them, or when they find them, they leave them to go back to the pretty rancid situation they were in before because they were comfortable there. Why is that? I asked. Some people said that it's just easier when you know what to expect out of a person. Some said they don't want to take the chance of getting hurt again. Some said it's not as fun to get everything out of a person. But then I wonder, how can we as a generation of people improve from our current state with a ton of people afraid from what their past has brought them?

Sunday, May 24, 2009

TGC: Things that should NEVER happen to You!

Hello again ladies and gentlemen. I hope this finds you all well. Today, I finally found some time to get back to my blog and back to you all. Surprisingly, I'm not really back to speak about relationships, or friendship, or anything along those lines like I have been. But today, I'm here to speak about common sense or the lack there of that has been plagueing our society for quite some time. You all know what I'm talking about. Things that happen to people and your first reaction is, "How'd the hell they let happen?" I also want to apologize to anyone that this may offend. I understand that everyone has or either knows someone that has fallen victim to these random incidents. So again I apologize.

1.) Waiting for the crosswalk signal with no cars in the area!/ Getting hit by a bus or train!

The first thing that people do that really grinds my gears is done pretty much done unconsciously. Have you ever been ready to cross the street and have found yourself waiting for the crosswalk signal, only to realize that there are no damn cars coming? I attend the University of Illinois in Urbana- Champaign and I swear this happens on a regular basis with all college students. Some how people have forgot the simplest directions for crossing a street. (Look both ways to oncoming traffic, and if there are no cars coming or moving, cross the street.) It's that simple. Sadly, people still get managed to wait 3 to 5 minutes for a signal to walk when there are no cars in sight. I think what may even worse than that are people who manage to get hit or almost get hit by buses and trains. It sucks because I know of people who've died freom things like that, but at the same time I never understand how people miss objects as large as those traveling at such fast paces and making such loud noises. But I guess things happen!

2) Getting a jaywalking ticket!

Another thing is really stupid is the idea of people getting pulled over for jaywalking. First of all, a jaywalking ticket is expensive, or at least so I've heard. I've never had a jaywalking ticket. I've only seen one jaywalking ticket justified. Some bizarre white girl didn't want to stop and look both ways for traffic and almost got owned by a soccer mom in a minivan. I was actually kinda upset at first that no one really saw it but me, but a cop came out of nowhere and gave her a ticket. I thought it was hilarious. It would have been funnier if she got owned by the minivan though too. Especially seeing as how she almost knocked over two people on a bike to even get to the street in the first place. She would've had it coming. But the ticket served just fine. Now, I'm not going to tell you to run from the law, but if you notice a cop about to give you a jaywalking ticket, just run. What are they gonna do, call in back up for a runaway jaywalker? Do you really think a cop is gonna get out his car and search for someone who ran inside a building to avoid a ticket? No. Cops really don't give a damn. Their too busy thinking about their next meal or donut to give you a walking ticket.

3) Going home with Ugly People!

I know that this happens to the drunk people who come home after the last call at bars, and that this doesn't apply to everyone. But everyone, this is on the list of things that shouldn't happen period! My freshman year in school, I noticed people just walking out of bars with random people that would make them naw their arms off if the ended up doing something with them that night. So I decided to make a group that would encourage people to drink with friends and go out with friends all the time so that incidents like that would never happen because Friends don't let friends take home Ugly People!

4) Paying your boyfriend/ girlfriend to break up with you!

So I was reading a post on which is truly hilarious if you ever get a chance to read it. I saw this post where this guy had been paying his girl's cell phone bill. She asked him to add more minutes to the account because she had run out. After he did it, she called him to let him know that she was breaking up with him and that there was someone else. People need not to ignore the writing on the wall. Usually when people break up, they start realizing that they were breaking up longer than they were really in a serious, committed relationship. So if a couple of three years broke up today, they were probably breaking up for about a 6 to 18 months. Break ups just don't happen when a person decides they want it to be over. Do yourself and your wallet/ purse a favor, pay attention to detail.

5) Going into the Wild without being prepared!

So today I realized that people do eff'd up things all the time. Things that should be fun, end up being truly tragic events. Things like swimming in an ocean, going hiking, or even going camping can be moments where people truly fail at life. The reasons that humans are at the top of the food chain is because we have intelligence. We are smarter than most of the creatures found on Earth. But when we give up thinking, we become second to other creatures like wolves and bears! Its smart to go camping with family/ friends as long as there is as loaded weapon to protect you from starving hungry violent animals. It's not smart to go camping with family/ friends and give the only weapon to a person who is an animal rights activist. That's how people get there arms and legs torn off by hungry bears and wolves. Somebody got owned because someone was afraid of a little heat from the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF).

Other things that should NEVER happen to you:

Getting pulled over in a motor vehicle by an officer on a bicycle.

Getting robbed in broad daylight.

Being grown a falling out of tree.

Getting caught driving a Geo.

There are plenty more, the fact that I can't think of them means that they should NEVER happen to you.

If you see any of the two, just run! Shoot the Bear though. It's either gonna be you or him!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

TGC: Welcome Back, Me!

Hello there! I sincerely hope my hiatus was not a problem for anyone but myself. Judging by the amount of followers that have chosen to follow my blog thus far, I shouldn't have been missed by many. But if I was, I do apologize and am going to do my best to make it up. During my hiatus, I grew another year older, wiser, and more appreciative of the life God has granted me. My opinions have grown too and so has the way I look out at life.

In my last post, I re-posted another person's blog about the way he looks at his relationship and adultery. Hopefully, an open mind was kept while reading his blog. If not, to each its own. It is human nature to pass judgement onto others. I can only speak for myself and I chose to not judge the man in any way. He provided a different outlook on relationships. It's is not the only outlook and he certainly does not speak for every man or woman in the world, but his words were insightful. There were a ton of things I could relate to without even being married. For example, the idea of sex being a weapon is quite cliche. What one man will not do another man will. The exact same goes for women. We (men) cannot be controlled. Or at least not any self respecting man. With holding sex is somewhat of a bad idea. Not because a man is more likely to go off and cheat, but it really doesn't solve anything. He isn't getting his and you are getting yours, and the reason for not getting the sex is problably being ignored or either taken lightly. A man will be more than likely to say whatever it is to get the sex back than actually solve the problem. Therefore making that an in-effective strategy. There are more clever ways, just think!

Also, it is also true that most men have fantasies that many know will probably never come true. Out of my close friends, people I know at work, school, and generally speaking, 9.9 out of 10 from time to time think about having sex with more than one woman at a time. Its true! What is better than one thing a person loves? The answer is two things. Two scoops is better than one. Two Kim Kardashians is better than one. That's just the way it is. Capitalism and society made it that way. Sorry.

But ladies do not give up on men. Fact: Despite popular belief, Men CAN be changed. Men can change from their dog like behavior and become gentlemen worthy of the love of a good woman. But to come into a relationship thinking that you already have the tools capable of completing the task is absurd, it will take time and it will take effort. But do know before a man can change, he will have to want to change for himself or find something worth changing for. Sometimes it can be a child, sometimes it can be a woman, or it could be something all together different. But it will be his and his choice alone to make. Don't try and force it on him. You might not like the result. I've seen men walk away from their own children because a woman thought it would change who he was. I felt only really sorry for the child caught in the middle of their differences.

But the overall point of this blog was to encourage both men and women alike to think about the consequences of their actions before making critical decisions. Take an extra 5 mins and think about the next few moves available, then make your next move your best move and keep it moving. Don't end up chopped and screwed!


Esquire S.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

TGC: Love and Relationships

Hello again ladies and gentlemen! I hope this weekend has found each and every one of you well. I hope all of your Valentine's Day was as fun and as enjoyable as mine. If it was not, That's Okay! There is always next year and the world is still filled with eligible bachelors and bachelorettes. Do not give up hope and do not give up on love.

Love brings about relationships, and relationships have the ability to bring about marriages. There's nothing wrong with marriages or relationships. But they do come with rules and vows set by the partners of these relationship/ friendships right? I mean, aren't marriages supposed sacred and protected to vows said before God? Truth is I don't really know, these are all things that I just expected after watching chick flicks and television. I'm not married nor do I really know anything about how couples really live their lives. But I do know that cheating is wrong for anyone in a serious committed relationship and adultery is a sin under the Ten Commandment of God. But yet people still do it. They hurt one another and continue do it until are either caught or caught up. But why? Why is cheating while in committed relationships so common? I don't really know. I was recently tagged in a friend's note on the social net work, Facebook. The note was titled a cheating black man speaks. I also found out that the note was on I decided to copy and paste it on my blog for all to see. Please note that this not my note and this is not for any profit or anything like that. Seriously, I'm not trying to get sued here. But here it is.........

I am a black man and a cheater. Not all the time, just every now and then. The itch comes to me, and no matter what my wife does, I still can't help but want another woman. At least for a night, or two, or three.

I love my wife very much. No woman I've ever met or will meet will hold a more important place in my life. I also love my kids, our house, my job and the fish in my daughter's room. I love everything about my life at home, even though my relationship has become dull and rocky. But while I love having a strong black family, I also love being a man, and there is a part of me that just can't handle monogamy.

I see alot of misinformation in Essence and other black women's magazines about men and what we want. It's silly to me, because women don't know a thing about us. At the same time, they spend all their time talking about us. They always think they have us figured out, that we can be changed, and that they can come up with some magic formula that will control us and make us want to give them all the blissful matrimony they are seeking.

They couldn't be more wrong.

Here's the deal on cheating. Not from every man's point of view, just mine. You would never know I was a cheater, because I don't act like one. I don't think my penis is made of candy, and I don't want to have sex with every woman I see. I just want one sexy black woman, every now and then, as long as she is not my wife.

I have four confessions to make, please hear me out before you attack.

1) Love usually has nothing to do with cheating.

Women have this silly belief that if a man cheats on you, he must not love you. That's like saying that if you really love God, you won't scratch your toes. One has nothing to do with the other. I could be faithful to a woman I hate and cheat on a woman I love. Whether I love a woman is communicated by whether I continue coming home to her, or whether I visit her if she is sick, help her pay a bill or take care of her aging, yet annoying parents. The woman you love is the one that you want to see when you are NOT horny.

2) I didn't care much about being married, and many men can do without it.

I don't need the emotional security that women crave, I never wanted the ceremony or the legal commitments that come with matrimony. Personally, I would rather NOT have the state involved in my relatonship. I got married because my wife was a good black woman and she wanted to get married. That's it. If I could have had my way, I would have continued to date her forever, without ever getting married. It's not because I am a dog, but I would have been considered a dog for not marrying the woman I love.

I recall seeing all my friends who were married, bored and miserable. On top of that, they had to answer to someone every single day, take out the trash and deal with some irritable woman on her period, who feels that she can hold sex over their heads. I never wanted to be that guy.

But it was love that made me willing to be that guy. I have been that guy alot, especially when my wife was pregnant. I also support the African American family, so I do what I can to keep us together. But even though I have experienced the ups and downs of marriage, I still don't see what's so great about it.

3) You can't control us with sex.

I have heard women say things like "If you don't do this or that, then I'm not giving you any." Some men may be affected by this kind of thing, but I'm not. If my wife withholds sex, I give her 2 weeks. If she is not having sex with me within two weeks, I find someone else to have sex with. It's not her right to decide if I get to have sex, and she can't use sex as a weapon.

What she doesn't realize is a couple of things. First, men NEED sex. Again, it has nothing to do with love. We need sex the same way that a woman needs to socialize or a good daughter needs to hear from her mother. It's a purely physical urge, like when you have to go to the bathroom, but not bad enough that you're going to burst. The discomfort from the unfulfilled need is just strong enough that you sigh when you are finally relieved.

Second of all, as a black man in my early forties, there are always at least 5 other beautiful black women willing to drop their pants for me in a second. It's just a numbers game, since a black man with a job and all his teeth is considered a good prospect. So, whether she knows it or not, my wife has competition. But then again, maybe I have competition too and don't know it, I accept that. In fact, if she is tempted to cheat, then that supports my argument that we should never have gotten married in the first place. Women ask us to do something that we don't want to do, then get mad because we don't do it right. It reminds me of when my older sisters used to force me to play house with them, and then get angry because I put playdough in the teapot out of boredom.

Because I love my beautiful ebony wife, I am willing to wait for sex. But only two weeks. After that, I get resentful and start to think bout exercising my options. It's at that point that one of my many unmarried ex-girlfriends gets invited to lunch. They are always happy to meet me.

I am not trying to be conceited, but it's the honest to God truth. I hope that the truth is appreciated, but I suspect that some of you reading this might feel more comfortable with the same old lies. Perhaps if I weren't so committed to telling the truth, I could become more comfortable living the big marital lie that exists in America. It's that same lie that makes Internet Pornography the largest industry on the web, with most of the content being purchased by married men.

4) If we want another woman, there usually isn't much else you can do about it.

I truly believe in the theories which state that men are genetically wired to want more than one woman. We don't choose to be that way, we just are. We are also trained to lie about it, since there is nothing that turns a woman off more than saying that you want more than one woman. But get a bunch of guys together and ask them to describe their sexual fantasies (with no women in the room, of course), and most of them would describe something that involved at least 2 or 3 women. I have shared these thoughts with my wife and I find that she is only interested in killing the messenger. So, that throws honesty out the window.

I am not sure if I will continue to cheat, but I know that my male friends do it all the time. I envy the single guys, who can do what they want, with whom they want, and no one calls them a bad person. I share my life, my space, and my time with a woman, deal with her moods and am continuously there for her, yet, if I fulfill one fundamental need that I have as a man, I become a villain.

It just doesn't seem fair.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

TGC: A Note from Esquire the New Gentleman

This is my first time writting a blog based loosely on life experiences and filled with personal opinions about the every day random events that occur in life. All of our lives and experiences shape and mold our characters and help us to define ourselves as individuals. I promise through this blog to be a true to all of you as well as be true to myself and remain a true and honest Gentleman. The word Gentleman is rarely used in conversations about men anymore and even more rarely seen in most men today. It does not say that men incapable of being Gentlemen though. I aim to return integrity and creditbility to all men as a represention of today's man and Gentleman.

I completely understand that today's man is more of a product of his environment. What's does that say about the environment? What does that say about the sources of influence in today's environment? It says a lot. But excuses are like butt cheeks, everybody has them. But we as individuals have the power to shape our own future and pave our own paths. But one of the hardest things about life is choosing the right path to pave. None of us are fortune tellers, or at least no one I know. But we as individuals have to follow our conscience in hopes of choosing the right path and have the integrity to live with those decisions without regrets. This is without a doubt very possible. If you think otherwise, I respect that. But I will ask you to take a good look at our newly elected United States President and ask yourself is he not an example of my words? We all make mistakes. It is a part of life and it is those mistakes which make us human. But living with ourselves after making those mistakes will shape our character and define us as individuals. So I ask you, Who are you?

Esquire S.
The New Gentleman